Getting ready to meet your divorce attorney or mediator

A practical preparation guide · By Just Divvy · Updated October 17, 2026 · How we write our guides

What to gather, what to list, and what to ask. Getting organized is something you can do on your own, at your own pace. The legal questions belong with your attorney or mediator. This guide helps you arrive with both: a complete list, and the right questions.

This guide doesn't tell you what the law says. Divorce and property rules are different in every state, and they depend on your situation. Where a legal or tax question comes up, we tell you to raise it with your attorney, mediator or tax advisor, and give you the question to ask. A mediator works with both of you and can explain how things usually go; for advice about your own position, ask an attorney.

Download the guide as a PDF Jump to the question list

What should I do first?

Make a list of everything you own and everything you owe, before anyone decides who gets what.

Leave the arguments for later. A complete list is the one thing both sides can usually agree on, and it's what your attorney or mediator will ask for first. Then work through the accounts and bills to separate. Use the Just Divvy spreadsheet or the printable worksheet, and the often-missed checklist to catch the items people forget.

Ask your attorney or mediator

Is there anything I should or shouldn't do with our joint accounts and cards while things are worked out?

What documents should I bring to my attorney or mediator?

Recent statements for every account, loan and policy, plus your recent tax returns.

Collect recent copies of the following. Digital downloads are fine.

Bank and credit card statements, last 12 months
Tax returns, last 3 years
Recent pay stubs for both of you
Retirement and pension statements
Brokerage and investment statements
Mortgage statement and property deed
Vehicle titles and loan statements
Student, personal and other loan statements
Life insurance policies
Your own credit report, free at annualcreditreport.com. Your spouse can pull theirs.

Ask your attorney or mediator

Which of these documents will you need from me, and how far back?
Is there anything else I should start collecting now?

How do I put a value on everything?

Rough estimates are fine for your list. Pick one date, such as the end of last month, and use balances from that date so everything lines up.

These are starting points for getting your list together, not final values. The values that count are the ones you agree on, with the help of your professionals.

Item	A rough starting estimate for your list
Home and real estate	Recent sales of similar homes nearby.
Vehicles	Private-party value from a pricing guide. List any loan separately as a debt.
Bank and investment accounts	Statement balance on your chosen date.
Retirement accounts	Statement balance on your chosen date, with a note that it's a retirement account.
Furniture and belongings	What it would sell for used, not what it would cost to replace.
A business	Flag it, and leave the value blank for now.

Make a note next to retirement accounts, investments and anything that would have to be sold. Those are the items to ask about.

Ask your attorney, mediator or tax advisor

What date should we use for values?
Do we need formal appraisals for the house, a business or anything else on our list?
How should taxes on retirement accounts and investments, and the costs of selling something, be taken into account?

What if something might belong to just one of us?

Keep it on the list anyway, add a note saying why, and keep any records that show where it came from.

People often feel that something they owned before the marriage, or received as a gift or an inheritance, is theirs alone. Whether it is depends on your state and your circumstances, so don't decide this yourself, and don't leave it off the list.

Ask your attorney or mediator

Which items on our list might be treated as belonging to just one of us in our state?
What records would help show where something came from?

How do we try a first division?

Choose who each item goes to, add up what each of you would walk away with, and see what payment would even it out.

This part is arithmetic. Most items go entirely to one person; cash and some accounts can be split by percentage. If one side ends up with more, an equalization payment shows the amount that would even things out. For example, if one share is worth $500,600 and the other $475,100, a payment of $12,750 leaves both with $487,850. The equalization calculator works it out for you, and the marital balance sheet example shows a full list.

Try a few versions. Seeing the numbers side by side often shows which trade-offs matter to you. Treat them as a starting point for the conversation, not a decision.

Ask your attorney or mediator

Is an equal split the starting point in our state, and what could change that?
Is there anything on our list that can't simply be handed to one of us?

What should I raise early?

The house, joint debts, retirement accounts and having cash to live on. These are the questions people most often wish they'd asked sooner.

The house. Before deciding who keeps it, check whether the mortgage, taxes, insurance and upkeep fit one income.
Joint debts. Note every loan and card that has both names on it.
Retirement accounts. Note each account and pension, whose name it's in, and where the statements come from.
Cash to live on. An agreement that looks even on paper can still leave one person short of cash they can actually use.

Ask your attorney or mediator

If a joint debt goes to my spouse and isn't paid, am I still responsible to the lender?
How will our retirement accounts be divided, and does that need any special paperwork or court order?
What's the best way to handle the house and the mortgage in our situation?

Your question list

Every question from this guide in one place. Print it, add your own, and bring it with your list.

Is there anything I should or shouldn't do with our joint accounts and cards while things are worked out?
Which documents will you need from me, and how far back?
What date should we use for values?
Do we need formal appraisals for anything on our list?
How should taxes on retirement accounts and investments, and the costs of selling something, be taken into account?
Which items might be treated as belonging to just one of us in our state, and what records would help?
Is an equal split the starting point in our state, and what could change that?
Is there anything on our list that can't simply be handed to one of us?
If a joint debt goes to my spouse and isn't paid, am I still responsible to the lender?
How will our retirement accounts be divided, and does that need any special paperwork or court order?
What's the best way to handle the house and the mortgage in our situation?

Arriving with an organized list and these questions tends to make meetings shorter, which costs less when professionals bill by the hour.

Where can I read more from official sources?

Government sites explain the general background. Your attorney or mediator can tell you how it applies to you.

IRS Publication 504, Divorced or Separated Individuals: filing status, and taxes on support and property transfers.
U.S. Department of Labor: QDROs: how retirement plans are divided by court order.
AnnualCreditReport.com: your free credit reports, to find every account and debt in your name.
Consumer Financial Protection Bureau: credit, debt and banking basics.
Your state court's website: most have self-help pages and forms for your state.

Ready to divide things together?

Balance Sheet is a shared, online version of your list: propose who gets what, agree item by item, and see the equalization payment as you go. It's free to start, with no sign-up.

Start a Balance Sheet free

General information, not legal advice. Just Divvy provides general information for educational purposes only. It is not legal, tax or financial advice, and using it does not create an attorney-client relationship. Divorce and property laws vary by state. Check your state's laws and talk to a licensed attorney in your state before making decisions.